Pardon?

Lovelies!!

Greetings, fellow buffoons. I'm giving my mock IELTS tomorrow, and I'm pretty nervous(ish). While I do not really excel at good vocabulary-usage-ness and so on, what we must remember is that I am (extremely) over confident, so lettus hope and pray that little Kapoorni does well. Anyway, I was evaluating myself, thinking about my experience with English over the years, reflecting back on past memories, you know, like your average sixteen (and nine months) year old, when I remembered a story.

Note - I apologize for any errors that I may have made I'm typing on a really tiny laptop and you must remember that I have hands like paws and it's difficult for me to get used to the human behavior and so on, do cut me some slack okie.

Ah, yes. Settle back to enjoy yet another story that will make you question my intelligence and capabilities as a fellow human. If you don't already question it, that is.

Okay. The year was 2006. I was in Australia, we had arrived maybe a couple of weeks back, and we were set to stay there for a year. That one year was by far one of the most exiting years of my entire life. Anyway, like I said, we had just arrived, and I was seven and a half. To be frank, up until that point, my experience with the English language had been rather upsetting. After returning from London at age two, I knew just a few vital words of immense necessity (popcorn, shut up, no), and the Is marriage a word incident ( http:// /2014/06/english-difficult-language.html ) had already happened. Hence, contrary to popular belief, I hadn't really shown any signs of being a genius just as yet. So when we set out to Australia, I innocently thought I could perhaps mend my ways and regain my lost name.

What a naive child I was.

I hadn't started school yet. I was enrolled at East Fremantle Primary School (BEST SCHOOL EVER) but there were complications; I had done grade 2 from India, but the system in Australia was a little different, so I wasn't old enough to start year 3 yet, but I was too old for year 2, so finally I was put in this awesome sauce class called year 2/3 which was basically really cool and we had a gala time and I don't remember the details it feels like a distant dream now. Anyway, I was really scared, I was tiny and brown (I'm allowed to say it) and had a funny accent. Ouch. Not surprisingly though, everyone at the school was really, really, really, really nice and friendly and I made friends in no time, because what I lack in communication skillz, I make up for with my immense wit and charismatic appeal. Er, maybe. This is what I looked like, you decide -

Okay, okay, I understand that you are smitten by my good looks but we really must go on. So okay, yes, everyone was super friendly, and I felt at home immediately. There was just one problem though, and that was understanding my classmates. Our accents still sounded funny to each other, so I guess we had a little trouble understanding one another. Whenever they failed to understand me, they'd say something. That perplexed me, and I ignored it a few times. But then it started to become more and more frequent. I tried to pay attention and catch the word, and at last I did - Adam. Was he some beloved classmate, perhaps? Was this some primary school lingo? They said it sometimes to each other too, what could it possibly mean? 

When I got home, my parents asked me how school was. I explained my problem to them; everyone was very nice, the teachers were extremely helpful and kind, but everyone kept throwing this random word at me!! I was very, very confused for a couple of days, until finally, I got used to hearing the accent, and at last I understood that what they were saying was not infact Adam, but pardon. Er, yes. I don't know if I am partially deaf, or just an idiot in general. That is for you to decide, dear readers. All two of you. 

This story has been told and re-told at so many dinner parties and family lunches and White House conferences that I forget how the real ending went. Either way, I was a slow kid.

Let's just hope this sort of thing doesn't reappear if I'm applying to colleges in Australia, how sad would that be -

Interviewers - Ah, yes, have a seat.
Me - Adam?
Interviewers - wat
Me - I'll show myself out

:( 

Leaked: An Exclusive Interview With A Ravishing Beauty

Lovelies!
Do you realize what day it is?
It's June 3rd.
Does that ring a bell?
No?
It's okie. I still love you.

My blog turns a year old today! Zomg and huzzah and wowness! Butterbeers all around! First and foremost check out my newly dip dyed hair and say lots of nice things about it -

I'm pretending to look deep and mysterious. I'm probably thinking about cat gifs. Don't be fooled.

On the occasion of this yummy day, I have arranged for you an exclusive interview, starring -

AK, the ever famous exotic interviewer, and
AK, the ever famous blogger.

COMMENCE


AK - Good evening.
AK - Thank you for having me.

AK - Thank you for taking the time out from your busy schedule! And I must say, you look ravishing, you oaf. I know you quit your workout routine weeks ago but I'm still obliged to say this.
AK - It's not a problem. It was either this, or another round of Fruit Ninja against myself, or differentiation questions. I'm actually getting pretty good at those -

AK - Yeah, yeah, all right nobody cares. So I hear your ever famous blog turned a year old today? Your fans must be excited?
AK - Oh that they are. They personally called me to tell me. Both of them in fact!

AK - Haha, congratulations. You've officially been jobless for a year!
AK - Mucho thanks. The credit goes to the uninteresting study syllabus combined with my ability to type as fast as lightning on my mobile.

AK - I will ignore the fact that you just said 'mucho thanks' whatever the hell that means. So now I'm obliged to ask you a deep question, such as, Why do you write?
AK - Ah, I shall call that a good question and frown, as I pretend to think, though I'm wondering if I should stop at McD on my way back. I'm now going to clear my throat, and begin my well rehearsed answer: The question is not why do I write. The question is why not? Isn't language the greatest of gifts bestowed upon us? Isn't this what makes us superior to other species on the face of this Earth? I write not for your approval nor mine. I write not to be accepted, to be praised, to be laughed at, to be admired, to be remembered. I write because I know nothing else. I know no other way to express myself clearly. It's been rightly said - "Either do something worth writing, or write something worth reading."  Also, I'm definitely stopping at McDonald's later.

AK - I will 'hmm' and 'ah' even though I didn't agree with/listen to a word you said. I recall something about writing, so I'll ask you this - do you see yourself doing this professionally?
AK - I will scratch my chin and think, wondering whether I should get a Filet-O-Fish later, or maybe just fries. But ah yes, I don't think I can see myself doing this professionally. Contrary to public opinion, I'm very bad at handling criticism (hahha low self esteem ftw lololol so funny hahaha wow got 99 problems and low self esteem is all of them) so I don't think I'll be able to handle it when people don't like my work. I'm just trying to be the best that I can, to accept MYSELF, because as Sylvia Plath said, "The worst enemy to creativity is self doubt."

AK - I see...speaking of doubts, a lot (almost all) of the people don't find you funny and think you should just shut up. Thoughts?
AK - Such people exist? *high pitched laughter with hints of unresolved self-esteem issues* It's okay, we have different perceptions of humor. After all, "One person's craziness is another person's reality."

AK - I've been meaning to ask you: what is it with you and quotes?
AK - Er, we're in love. It's healthy. I have a jar full of them. I've also scribbled them on my walls.

 They keep memories fresh. After all, "Sometimes memories crawl out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks."

AK - Er, it's "sneak out of my eyes".
AK - ...

AK - Your lack of knowledge is starting to bug me, I'd like you to leave now...
AK - :(

AK - Okay fine er what is your favorite quote?
AK - Well you know I love all it depends on my mood I can't just pick a favorite -

AK - I will cut you.
AK - "There comes a time when you look into a mirror and realize that what you se see is all that you ever will be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking into mirrors."

AK - Tennessee Williams, so sassy.
AK - I know right.

AK - Didn't I ask you to leave.
AK - :(

Thank you dear reader, for all your support. I don't care if you read regularly, or if this is your first time or last time reading my blog. Just...thanks. Much love from Anoushka.