Creeping People Out With Knowledge 101

Lovelies!

It is 4.30 in the morning! Why am I not sleeping? I'll tell you why : I don't have school tomorrow! And do you know what? I didn't have school today either! And do you know what? I don't even have school day after but that's because it's a Sunday so I should typing in italics now okay.

So okay I'm in 12th grade now. I can't believe I'll go off to college in a year. Less than a year! One of my best friends/juniors, lettus call him Hittz, sincerely asked me if I could maybe stay back after 12th (he did not say it in those words, he said please fail) but I had to patiently explain that my mother says I have to pass school. Bummer. :(

Right, so it's 4.30 in the morning, and after watching The One With Bary and Mindy's Wedding (er, I mean after studying Current Electricity...), I decided that I needed to write. I tried writing a poem, and I typed one halfway, but then I decided that I hated it and deleted it. I don't know why I'm telling you all this.

I think my writing skills have exhausted because I had to write a three page essay on India as I see it in 2020 and those were three mighty big pages okay I kid you not one page was about three feet long okay it took a lot of effort to write it and why am I telling you all this.

Lettus get straight to our point.

I was lying in bed just staring at the walls of my bedroom or something I don't know and then I looked at my nails (what even) and I remembered something that happened a few weeks ago -

THE TIME I CREEPED OUT REKHA DIDI FOR ALL OF ETERNITY

Okay, I was making french toast for myself. For those of you who don't know, what you basically do is, you slice up your bread (the bread you have I mean, I was proof reading this and slice up your bread sounded very wrong for some reason), then you beat eggs into a bowl, and then you dip your bread into the egg batter thingajima, and then you fry the bread and then, well, you eat it.

So I was making french toast for myself, instead of you know, studying or something, but I got bored after making like two slices and I asked our domestic helper, let's call her Rekha Didi, (Rekha is her name, didi is a term for endearment, or a term given to your elder) to finish off the job for me. When she brought the toast to me, I offered her some. She said no, she didn't eat egg. I shrugged and devoured my toast. She looked at me and asked me, didn't I feel cruel eating another animal's baby? I was confused, since the eggs we purchased were not fertilized eggs, and hence there was no animal-baby eating.

Now, she doesn't understand English (She's learning though. My father, a professor of cardiology, patiently sits with her and says Good Morning, Thankyou, Please etc until she repeats, and she's such a fast learner, better than me anydayyy). How could I explain complicated stuff like fertilization to her without having a common language to communicate? How does one describe chicken sex and fertilization in Hindi? That's not exactly what we're taught at school, is it? But I couldn't let her think I was some insane animal baby killer eater. I just couldn't. (But I do eat chicken...can't we just assume the chicken we eat are all the mean chickens who bullied the other chickens so the bullying chicken in question had to be eaten? No? You're going to stop reading now aren't you ;_;)

I called her to my side, and started explaining.

Me : You know when two people *makes awkward hand gestures* you know when two people like you when they you know do like you know it
Her : Wtf r u saying lol
Me : You know how you know us females er we have like um eggs you know...
Her : WTF R U SAYING I HAVE AN EGG INSIDE ME
Me : Oh dear God not like the eggs we eat you don't have a sunny side up floating inside you...damn...okay so you know like males they have this thing inside them you know which they like give to us...
Her : ....
Me : *makes awkward hand gestures* you know when like they give us the thing and then like eggs it gets the thing so you know baby etc
Her : pls stop pls pls
Me : So like...when they like don't give us the thing..so like in hens..the rooster and the hen..they like don't do it..so no like *makes awkward hand gestures to imply implantation*  no baby...you know...
Her : I'll eat egg if you shut up.