Injuries Are Injurious

The human body is a fascinatingly ridiculous thing.

I hate it.

My parents are doctors. Meaning of course, I could never pull the old I think I'm ill, may I skip school today routine on them. That being said, I think I am singlehandedly responsible for all the profit that any medical institution makes. Or will make. Or has made. My medical history will astonish one and all.

It's crazy. I mean hello, I would totally be fit if I worked out more. I shouldn't fall ill/break bones this often. Also, I have the freakiest of accidents. There should be an entire section on Ripley's Believe It Or Not dedicated to me.

For instance, when I broke my right elbow when I was maybe seven, I wasn't even sure how I broke it. There's this huge slide in one of the parks we used to play in (I won't say I still don't go there with Pizza at times) and I was sliding down the slide like a normal slider would, when suddenly, my elbow hit the base of the slide or something, and next I knew, my elbow was sticking out in a weird position.

What. The. Hell.

Who breaks a bone like that? When I broke my right wrist about two years after that, I didn't even know it was broken until a full day. I had collided with a cyclist upon which my wrist had been supposedly hit, but I reckoned it was a sprain, and even continued to write with my hand the next day. It was until I came home and my parents saw that my hand had swollen up, that I realized it was a hairline fracture. That was awesome though, because it didn't require a lot of medical attention, but I got this kickass cast which everyone signed, and I was excused from all homework for about two months. (Basically I'd sit in class and play noughts and crosses with my friends, but my wrist would suddenly become too fragile when there was social studies homework to complete, how convenient.)

That was actually a pretty non weird injury. Hold on to that thought.

In 8th grade, I really wanted a huge dog, and I have a labrador, which is a huge dog, but you must remember that I am delusional and crazy, and I wanted a dog basically the size of a horse so that I could like sit on it, and I could ride it. That didn't stop me from pretending that my doggie was my horsie, and I tried to get him to act like a horse (I tried to make him give me a ride around the garden) upon which he made me fall to the ground. Long story short, soft tissue injury in right elbow.

The list does not stop there. I have suffered fates way worse. When I broke my hand the second time, I had another injury to pile onto my already tarnished immune system. I was having hot chicken soup, while watching, um, probably Shinchan. Anyway, the cup was full to the brim, and I am already not the carefullest of people. Basically, the soup fell all over my left thigh, resulting in First Degree Burns. I swear to God, that has been the most painful thing in my entire life. More painful than when I got my heart broken, or when I lost the final match in a badminton tournament; even more painful than watching the last episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. It hurt. A lot. It left huge, freaky looking blisters. And scars. Which I have till this day. Also, I smelt of chicken soup. For like a month. To this day, I can't stand the smell of chicken soup.

Anyway, you get the idea. I get roped up into a lot of weird stuff. I know what you're thinking though. What is the weirdest one till date? Ah, that's a good question. When I had to surgically get a cyst removed from my lip, and for one month I had to keep hearing Anoushka got a lip job from my friends? (IT WASN'T A LIP JOB.) Or when a car ran over my right heel and I cried non stop and my parents were in Paris, unable to comfort me?

No. They are close competitions. But no.

The weirdest incident of my life - I was in Australia. The year was 2006. I had gotten my ears pierced three years ago, and like all 8 year olds, I loved wearing earrings. Like all younger siblings, I loved borrowing/stealing my elder sister's stuff. Basically, I wore these beautiful, tiny studs (not the male stud, the earring stud) for a long time. They were like little pearls, circular in shape. They looked somewhat like this -

They were really tiny though. One day, my father looked at me for a long time. A long time. Then he asked me why I was only wearing one earring. My hand shot up to my ear. Had I dropped one earring somewhere? No. I could feel both the earrings in my lobes. I went to have a look in the mirror.

Life is so weird.

One of the earrings had entered my earlobe. Like, wow. The front, circular part of the earring was actually inside my ear. 

Let me explain via a diagram -

It was...painful. I had this ouchie surgery, which required laughing gas.

Lettus talk about that for a moment. Laughing gas is not, as you would have naturally thought, a humorous fart. Laughing gas is basically Nitrous Oxide and is used as an anesthetic drug. Anyway, the surgery was pretty painful and weird and all that, but I think I consumed a bit too much of the laughing gas. I don't know the medical side effects and stuff are, but I'm pretty sure I was high. Like legit high. I kept hearing things, and seeing stuff. I was hallucinating. It was the weirdest (and awesomest) day of my entire life.

The point is, I twisted my foot yesterday. And I don't even know how. One second I was playing badminton, and the other second, I was unable to walk. I know, life is strange. So I'm stuck home today, since my mother, and my Math teacher have forbidden me to play today. Which means of course, I will watch reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians instead of studying Complex Numbers.

Long live procrastination!