Working Out - A guide

I wish I were a cat. Those things are really fuzzy.

No lie.

Do you know what's the weirdest yet most entertaining shit in the entire world? Animal videos on YouTube. Dogs and cats can be jerks, Cute dog wakes up owner, Cat does handtsnad, Rat does cartwheel. (I might have maybe made the last two up. But it's the thought that counts.)

Izzy is obssesed with them. She makes me watch them against my will. She once made me watch a forty minute video about a dog trying to get up from the floor or something. Last month she made me watch a video about a rat who can like fetch the car keys or something (I forget the details). Today she made me watch one with a dog trying to act like a DJ.

I wonder if other people go through the things I do.

Anyway, do you know what's really, really, hard? Like tougher than learning Trigonometry? ( Just kidding, nothing is tougher than that.) Doing pushups.

Hold that thought.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all about the health and fitness and that sort of thing. It's not like I'm super skinny, and it's not like I eat only healthy food. In fact I haven't even tried 75% of the vegetables. But I really, really love working out. Pizza and I made this deal three months ago, we made an entire routine for ourselves, (20 squats, 45-second wall sit, 20 butterfly crunches, 20 lunges, 20 pushups daily, that sort of thing) and we really stuck to it. Our lowest weight reached was 48 kilograms, and everyday we tried to top each other and become even fitter. It was exhilarating and awesome, and if I sucked my stomach in a lot, and didn't breathe for a long time, and if you looked at me from a distance, you would totally think that I have a six pack. I'm not even kidding.

Anyway, it was great for a while, and I was really enthusiastic about it. I stuck little notes for myself all over my room. Stuff like Don't drink that last Coke! 45 kgs by 7th May, you can do it! Stay focused! 

I never forgot to work out. One time, we had gone out, and I was wearing traditional clothes or something, and I realized that I had forgotten to do the routine, so I did it there and then, doing crunches in my churdidar. But alas, I did not get my happily ever after. After some months, I fell sick, or maybe I had too much studying to do, anyway, I forgot to the do the routine for a few days, and then I completely forgot about it for a while. I was getting really good too, I could finally even do 30 (very) crude pushups, but at least it was something. 

Anyway, Pizza already had his stupid six pack, and I was nowhere near getting mine, so I just decided to stop the routine and eat chocolate instead. Until today.

Izzy and I were bored, and she randomly said something about a pushup. Upon hearing this term, my ears perked up, like my dog Sid's ears perk up when he smells Pizza. (The actually Pizza, not my friend the Pizza.) Anyway, I told her pushups were a piece of cake and I could totally still do them. Izzy laughed at me for a while then asked me to go ahead and demonstrate.

Heart hammering in my chest, I slowly got up from my chair. I felt like an Olympian. I subtly pulled up my shorts for the fear that they might fall off, and advanced towards the edge of the bed. (I CAN ONLY DO A PUSHUP WITH THE HELP OF AN EXTERNAL SUPPORT OKAY LET ME BE) I slowly lowered my body on the floor, or whatever it is you do, and immediately crashed to the floor. It hurt. A lot. I tried again, but I again hit the floor, and I couldn't even get up. I was just lying on the floor with my stomach on the floor, flailing about like a dead starfirsh. It was really sad. Izzy told me she could do it, and she confidently did exactly what I had done. It basically ended up with lying face down on the floor trying to get up (and failing). We stayed like that for a longer time than I would like to admit.

My mother finally came in and saw us lying on the floor laughing admist the dust and Sid's hair which he sheds 24/7.

I'm sure she questioned a lot of her life decisions when she saw me like that. 

Confusing Life Decisions

You guys, I'm such a non-model student. It's 11:12 p.m. and when I should be revising Chemistry or something I'm singing I see the light at the top of my voice. What is wrong with the kids of today? (A lot).

The human body is an amazing thing though. After staying up till 3 in the morning to watch the Fifa Final (IN YOUR FACE ARGENTINA) I still woke up and went to school like a good student. I even (somehow) sat through double Maths, double English and double Economics in spite of my repeated pleas to Hot-y/Tall-y to shoot me between the eyes.

I came home and took a well deserved three hour nap after which I told myself I would definitely complete-

24 hours later

Definitely complete what?! I have no idea, I no longer remember, nor do I care. Anyway, I'm still a non-model student. I somehow sat through my one-and-a-half-hours longer Physics tuition (sir had tricked me and not told me it would be half an hour extra today) with a splitting headache. It felt like somebody had sliced my head open. I really thought I'd die mid-way (I really, truly did).

 My body is crazy, no lie. It refuses to do any work all day long, except for when it's 2 am. Then it springs to life like it is ready to dance across the street. But at that time I'm supposed to be sleeping. Sucks how things work out.

Every damn day the same thing happens. I'll be sitting in class, listening carefully (ish) to what the teacher is saying, somehow trying to not hum stupid girls in my mind (somehow). Anyway, every day I make a mental note to myself - today I will go home, take a quick nap and revise everything taught in the class, and read ahead for the next day.

The second I reach home, after gobbling down lunch, taking out my contacts, I jump into bed and snuggle up and watch reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. or How I Met Your Mother. After completing my sitcom syllabus, I reread old books, which I've read a gazillion times before (A Thousand Splendid Suns, Looking For Alaska, Harry Potter, etc) instead of reading something new or doing something productive. Next, I take all the snacks in my house into my room, and just lie there admist all the chips and biscuits and soft drinks, thanking God from my wonderful life.

Anyway, needless to say, I'm not very, er, determined or focused towards, well, productive stuff.

But that's not the only reason why life is strange right now. I fall sick every week. Like seriously, every other die I have fever. Tall-y politely suggested today that I might have tuberculosis. (Why, Tall-y, why?) So anyway, I know I'd get better if I rested for a full day, and everyday I tell myself that today I will rest and not play badminton, but I accidentally end up playing.

Accidentally. (Ish)

On an unrelated topic, I have no idea why I've taken PCM. If you ever need help selecting subjects, please do not contact me. I had previously opted for Biology, which I absolutely loved, which I started to hate after approximately three and a half seconds into my first Biology class in Eleventh grade. Now I have Physics, Chemistry, Maths and Economics, which is, well, interesting, but when I'm not going to like become an engineer (funny story, my English teacher told me he wanted to see me top the IIT entrance exam, and I nodded like Noddy the nodder and said Yessir in my most convincing voice, but I forgot to tell him I didn't want to go to IIT) these subjects really hold just about zero importance in my future.

During my last Math class, my teacher was showing me how to solve a particularly difficult question and suddenly put the pen down and asked me if all this would ever be required by me in my career.

I told him the truth -

 Sometimes I love Science, and Math, but sometimes I just want to burn my textbooks in a heap and dance around the fire. 

Stealing From Labs

LIFE IS SO UNFAIR WHAT EVEN IS HAPPENING

I fell sick again! Like come on, at least give me some time to recover! I can't even skip school because today I was sitting in Chemistry class like the complete moron that I am, not being able to comprehend a single word (in this one particular topic, the rest I could understand, I'm not that buffoon-like) until my teacher finally asked if I was okay, to which I gave an intelligent nod. Anyway so yes, I cannot even skip school tomorrow otherwise I shall look like an ever bigger buffoon, which, unlike what most of you may think, is possible.

School was so much fun today. Apart from the fact that I spent the entire two-back-to-back Physics periods singing Royals/Rap God/Radioactive/It's Time/Wake me up with my best friends, Tall-y who accompanied my singing and, I've never mentioned him before so let's give him a name, Hot-y (he told me to call him that) beatboxing, it was also our first ever Chemistry Lab practical today, meaning of course 30 out of 35 students had forgotten to bring the lab coats. Anyway we did this really cool thing called 'jetting a glass rod' where you basically heat a glass rod at one point in it's center, until it becomes all melt-y and squish-y (descriptions are not my strong suit) and then finally you can like pull the rod apart and it will separate at the center, hence sealing the glass rod, which is called 'jetting' it. Anyway it looks like a really cool icicle sort of thing, so I had a jolly time pretending to sword fight with my lab partner with our respective glass rods. The fun ended there, and we were told to throw all the bits and pieces of the rods into the bin.

Let's talk about that for a moment.

Let's say one is sitting peacefully, reading Archie comics, or being awesome in general. Not doing much. Then suddenly, an adult comes along and says, whatever you do, do not go outside and run around in the garden naked. Naturally, the only thing you'll want to do after that is go outside and run around in the garden naked. I'm a future psychologist, I know what I'm talking about. Believe you me.

The second we were told we had to separate ourselves from our beautiful glass-rod-icicle thing, I knew I had to pocket mine. Feeling like a criminal, I slipped it in between the pages of my Maths notebook (which I had with me during Chemistry class for what reason) and casually went back to the classroom. My heart was pounding in my chest. I felt like a changed human being. Pocketing broken glass rods? Had I not promised my family I would never bring shame to their name? What was I doing with my life? My face was marked with shame.

Until I found out that Tall-y had also pocketed his.

Long story short, if we go to prison, at least I'll have company. 

Being Sick - It's not fun

SO...MUCH...SLEEP...COMING

I have no work to do. My eyes are closing. This tends to happen a lot when I'm driving, which, for obvious reasons is neither very safe nor fun.

It's so hot right now (The temperature, not me you silly minx!), so naturally I'm sitting here with the lights switched off, wearing a thick jacket. Why? Because I fell sick. Again. 

Falling Sick - A Questionnaire

Is falling sick fun?
No.

Did it stop me from going to school?
Yes.

Did it stop me from completing my Maths/Physics homework?
Yes.

Did it stop me from interacting with people?
Yes.

Did it stop me from playing badminton/Sims?
No.

I had such a good, school-free day. I woke up at 11:30 and after attempting to solve about 10 questions from my Trigonometry exercise, I gave up and played Sims instead. In all honesty, school is actually better than staying home. Whenever I bunk school, I have this guilty, nagging feeling all the time. Like there's this tiny person sitting on my shoulder, whispering You should be studying! You missed school! WHY ARE YOU HAVING FUN AT HOME GO AND STUDY YOU'RE IN THE 11TH STANDARD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD into my ear. It can get quite annoying. It usually results in me thinking that I should study. I take deep breaths until that feeling goes away.

Anyway, things are pretty annoying at the moment. My left ear is blocked, so I can't hear anything from it which is extremely tiring. On a completely unrelated note, these are my current life goals -

Study and get into IIT.

Hahahahahahaha. NO. 

These are my real current goals -

1) Learn Rap God by heart till this time next week (because it's way fun-er than learning all 37 Trigonometry formulae) and/or

2) Start a vlog on YouTube

Ah, yes vlogging. Lettus talk about that for a moment, shall we?

Like I said in my first post, this is not my first blog. Similarly, if I do start a channel on YouTube, it won't be my first one. I've already done a cover of a song with Marshmallow before. Now, I will include the link, because everyone deserves a good laugh. We're actually pretty decent singers, but this video is a bit embarrassing. I mean Marshmallow sang really well, but my voice is a bit...frog-like? I don't know. Here's the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOFzfRP7VpE.

Please do not judge. This was before we had gotten our eyebrows done. We were young, we were innocent.

Anyway, how did this whole vlog thing even start?

How all great ideas start.

I was bored.

I put up a status on Facebook, If this gets more than 20 likes, I'll start a vlog!

Wow, it got like 50 likes. I was not prepared for that. I might start a vlog though, I don't know. It's not like I have, you know, a life or anything.

I have so much work to do, it's really exhausting. To think about, I mean. I have to write a write-up for a debate on Water Conservation and Resources by tomorrow. WHY will any sane person speak against the topic has seemed to escape everyone's notice. I don't know, life is confusing and all.

On an uneven more unrelated note, I have started to reread Catcher in the Rye and in case you haven't read it, you should.

Okay my father just fell asleep on my neatly folded school clothes for tomorrow, I need go rescue them.

The clothes, I mean. 

Serious Issue Sunday #4 - Suicide is not the answer

July 6th.

I hate this day and I always will.

July 6th, 2013. A day that will remain etched into my memory no matter how hard I try to forget about it. I remember it like it were yesterday. It was a Saturday. It was maybe around 7 p.m., I had come back from playing badminton, and I was talking to my good friend Breezy on the phone and checking my Facebook. It was a great day. Earlier that morning I had been selected for a tournament, and we were discussing the day's events. I was laughing at something he was saying, when I saw I had a message from one of my friend's friend, let's call her Kuku. We weren't very close, so I was a bit surprised to hear from her. The message said, I need to talk to you urgently, please call me. I immediately messaged her my number and told her to call me whenever she wanted. I continued to scroll down the News Feed when my blood froze. Was this some sort of joke? I didn't say anything for a long time. Breezy asked me what was wrong. I started to howl very loudly and told him what I had just seen -

May you RIP. We will miss you. You shouldn't have left us like this. Come back, we miss you.

These posts were written on my friend's wall, let's call him Pooksie. (That was what we called him. He detested this name so naturally we only called him that.)

Everything suddenly made sense. That's why Kuku wanted to call me. She was Pooksie's close friend. She probably wanted to break the horrible news to me. Breezy and I were both crying by now, since he was good friends with Pooksie too, and I hung up and called Kuku as fast as I could and my worst fears were confirmed.

My best friend had been dead for two days. Pooksie had hung himself on July 4th.

I loved him and I will always love him. The reason for his actions is still unknown. He left us to starve for his presence, but we have forgiven him. He will always watch over us, and we love him to bits.

 Anyway, I don't want to mention Pooksie any further because

1) It's too personal
2) I'll break down

I was wasting time the other day, reading posts on http://iwastesomuchtime.com/ (see what I did there?) when I came across this beautiful quotation -

"Suicide does not end the chance of life getting worse. It eliminates the chances of it ever getting better."

Suicide. Why?

I know depression, I've faced depression. It can be because of the silliest reasons. I don't understand Physics. I want to drink Pepsi but I'm afraid I'll get fat. That cute boy won't reply to my messages. My dog is ill.

It could be because of any damn reason. 

 I think every teenager has been depressed at some point of time in his/her life. The magnitude and reason of the depression is not valid. One can be depressed for however big or small or insignificant a reason; whether over one's love life, or not making that desired Math grade - depression is depression. It makes one go crazy.

Why should I continue living? Things can never change. Everything will continue to suck. Nobody will ever care about me. I'm a pathetic and total waste of space. If I cut myself, will people start to love me? If I my wrists bleed, will the new pain numb the old one? If I hang myself, will the disturbance finally stop?

No. You can only fight depression. You can't end it suddenly by taking impulsive decisions. Every problem can be solved. You need to tell yourself. You were born into this world for a reason. Time does heal all wounds. It sounds sappy, but it's true.

Nobody can be happy all the time. It's not human. I'm pretty satisfied with myself all the time but sometimes I just need to break something, or shout loudly, or just cry into my pillow. It's normal. Our eyes have to be washed by tears sometimes to perceive things more clearly.

But that's not a good enough reason to end your life. Believe me, you might think that the stars may shine when you die, the sun might come out, the wind might blow. But without you, we don't want them.

I don't know who you are, random stranger. Maybe I know you, maybe I don't. Maybe you have a wonderful life, maybe you have a terrible life. Maybe you're having a crappy day so far, maybe today was the best day of your life. I don't know. But I care. And so do countless others. Never ever quit. Things get better. We may find ourselves in the middle of  nowhere sometimes. But sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, we find ourselves.

Cheer up. Things get better eventually. Life may seem cruel to you, and only you right now. But things will pick up soon, I promise. But don't quit. Please.

 Give life a chance, it's not that bad. 

That Badminton Match - A Life Altering Incident

Kapoorniandotherrandomthings turned a month old today! Hurrah and hugs!

Since most of the people reading this know me personally, some of you may know this incident already, since I recited it during a school extempore, upon receiving the topic Describe an incident that changed your life.

Fear not. You can laugh at my stupidity once again.

Getting down to business. Apart from wasting time, badminton is my favourite thing in life. I have an unhealthy obsession with it. I play everyday for hours, no matter what. If I have a Physics exam the next day, my teacher will specifically tell me to not play, but as many of you may know by now, I listen to only the following people -

(You've fallen victim to my tricks again. I listen to nobody.)

Anyway, Mother decided that if I was going to waste so much time, something good should come of it. We decided to get try out one of those Badminton Coaching things. I'm in 11th grade and all my classmates have joined coachings to help with their studies and/or competitive exams, and here I was, joining a coaching for a sport.

What a peculiar teenager.

Anyway, we set out, Mother and me, with high hopes. We went to our city's badminton stadium, in the hope to get me enrolled in one of the classes. I've played at that stadium before and it was extremely intimidating so I told my mother, and I quote, that I will "hide in the car" while she talks to one of the coaches. My plan backfired though since the coach beckoned me to come inside. I entered the stadium and it was just as scary as I remembered. I recognized some of the players and quickly hid behind Mother. The coach sized me up and told me to run five laps of the stadium.

Now. I had just had a McChicken combo, with a large Coke and I was afraid I'd throw up all over the beautiful stadium. But apart from being insanely witty (and outrageously modest) I'm also extremely stubborn. I nodded and began to run like a wild person. I'm good at a lot of things (braiding hair, peeling off fevicole, combing my dog's fur) but one thing I lack in life is grace. That's why I'll never be a good dancer (there goes my pole dancing career). I'm completely graceless. That's why I look crazy walking in heels. And why I look like a chicken when I run. So there I was, running around looking like Godzilla, when the coach had mercy on me and stopped me after three laps. I refused to drink any water and asked him what to do next. He told me to stretch whilst he looked for somebody to play opposite me to see how I played.

He came up to me with a tiny girl. I was kind of humiliated. Really? He was going to make me play against some small kid?! Um, okay then.

That girl was tiny. Honestly, she looked like my child. Nevertheless, we started the match, and I decided to go easy on her.

But she didn't decide to go easy on me.

Long story short, a girl three heads shorter than me and probably 1,000 years junior to me beat me.

Very bad.

Three times.

The coach didn't say anything because she was apparently one of the good players there (thanks for telling me that in advance!) and asked me to return the next day in the evening to start a crash course for three months. I nodded, smiled, thanked him, and left with Mother, with the promise to come back the next day.

Only we never did. I went home and cried and watched Pretty Little Liars on a loop feeling sorry for myself.

That coach still haunts me at night.

Best Game Ever

I'm facing a major crisis in life right this second. Apart from the fact that my right contact lens just did a backflip in my eye and it hurts like hell, my mother expects me to drink my milk without a straw. Really, wow. We're all adults here, let's get rational. I cannot drink it without a straw. Nobody understands me.

I'm a Science student. I've taken Physics, Chemistry, Maths, and Economics for higher studies in grade Eleven and Twelve (I'd previously taken Biology, and it had taken only one week for me to realize I will/can never ever ever ever ever like Bio again) even though I personally think I'm cut out for Arts. I mean I love Science. I do. My grandfather is a physicist. I'm supposed love Science. Runs in the family, etc. But there are times when this love is tested. Let me quote an example.

It was a wintry morning in January. Okay, no, I don't remember when this was. And it wasn't morning, it was midnight. Izzy was sleeping over at my house. The previous morning my mother had gifted to me one of those Do It Yourself - Easy Science Tricks for Kids! (ages 8-10). I had tried to build an electric circuit, but all in vain. The kit had all sorts of fascinating and science-y things like iron fillings, balloons (for the static electricity experiment), horseshoe magnets, wires, etc.

I showed it to Izzy, who confidently declared that she could easily perform any experiment. Long story short, she couldn't. She became too engrossed in the magnets and ended up playing with the horseshoe magnets. Next, she dropped all the iron fillings on my pillow. (I still maintain that they sometimes poke my neck in the night). We tried to make sense of the kit for hours and hours. I googled things like 'how to cut copper wire with hand' and God knows what else. We finally gave up.

Until.

We spotted the balloons.

Yellow and purple. Two, huge balloons. Calling out to us like a buffet at Taco Bell. This was our destiny. We blew up the balloons and had a gala time playing Hot Potato with it. But then we improvised. And invented the best game on Earth.

The rules of Chappal Badminton are sinple. What you need is a balloon, two slippers (chappal) and two people who have nothing better to do on a Saturday night. Anyway, the balloon functioned as our shuttlecock, and we held a slipper each, in place of rackets.

I'm not proud to say that we played this for many hours. Chappal Badminton can last for days, weeks, or months. I heard a tournament in Chicago lasted for five months. It only ends when the balloon bursts.

So that's how Izzy and I gifted to you the Best Game ever.

You're welcome, world.